


Albatross

by seaofteeth



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Levi, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Cat Ears, Loveless AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:22:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2691056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaofteeth/pseuds/seaofteeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is eighteen and a titan shifter and literally has their entire civilization balancing precariously on his narrow shoulders. The last thing Levi should be thinking about is the texture of Eren’s hands, wondering whether they’re soft or callous and whether his fingers would fit comfortably between the spaces of Levi’s own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Albatross

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really short story I wrote for a [prompt](http://nachoheichou.tumblr.com/post/101201034997/loveless-au-where-virgins-have-cat-ears-and-a-tail) I came up with awhile ago during Asexual Awareness Week (I don't recommend reading it until after you've read this story, unless you want to be hella spoiled.) It's also posted it on my [side tumblr](http://nachoheichou.tumblr.com/post/102528585657/just-a-short-little-thing-i-wrote-around-1-500) (which has some nsfw content, just to warn you.)
> 
> If you're not aware of the Loveless universe, the only idea that this story borrows is the premise that virgins have cat ears and a tail until they have sex, after which they disappear (this idea doesn't really make sense because virginity is a social construct, how do you define what constitutes as sex, etc etc, but here we are.)

The stares make the hairs on the back of his neck prickle but he’s used to the phenomenon by now, keeping his eyes forward as he moves through the commissary and making an efficient beeline for the lunch line. In and out. He used to sit with his squad but, well. Levi only has one squadmate for now and he’s currently surrounded by who remains of the 104th Training Squad – the ones who joined the Legion, anyway. They’re laughing and he’s laughing too, in between slapping the Braus girl’s hand away from his bread and ruffling Arlert’s unfortunate bowl cut.

Levi turns away, nose crinkling at the uninviting smell of porridge but he’s never been one to complain about food options, not when he’s all too familiar with what it’s like to not eat for days. The bread at least is freshly baked and given his rank, he’s allowed to take two before picking up his tray and starting back in the direction of his chambers. His Ears – the ones that set him apart from nearly everyone else in the room – twitch at the sound of his name and he knows a nearby table is discussing him, can probably guess in what context too. He grits his teeth and keeps moving forward, his black tail swishing agitatedly behind him.

__

He can’t go a week without getting an offer. He’s heard it all, from “we could die tomorrow” to “I want to thank you for service.” It’s what they say, but not what they mean.  Levi knows what they really mean, has always known, since he was nothing but a brat on the streets of the Underground and lecherous men would grab at him and grasp nothing but air, cooing promises that made his skin crawl as he took off down dark alleyways, slept in garbage. His Ears are worth more now than they were worth then, though, because now he has a title, albeit one he never asked for.

Humanity’s Strongest.

He thought about it, once. Just to get it over with. Erwin offered and Levi complied and they got as far as Erwin running a thumb over his exposed hip bone before Levi was shoving him off and yanking his pants back on, muttering a half-assed apology before taking off to find Farlan and Isabel.

They’re gone now, too.

He thinks that on some level, he craves intimacy. But not the kind with the promise of sticky skin and bodily fluids. He knows what an orgasm feels like, has gotten himself off on several occasions but there was nothing sexual about it; if anything, it was on the same level as taking a nice shit. He felt better afterwards, but it wasn’t something he ever felt the need to do with someone else.

__ 

Eren’s crush is anything but subtle.

Levi chalks it up to survivor’s guilt, maybe with a little bit of hero worship thrown in but honestly, he had thought he had quite literally beaten that out of him in the court room. But then again, if Eren Jaeger is anything, he’s tenacious, and he probably shouldn’t be surprised that out of an entire fleet of more suitable candidates, it’s Levi that Eren is making moon-eyes at, always quick to look away when Levi meets his gaze.

And of course, if the survivor’s guilt and hero worship isn’t enough – there’s the Ears. Levi has them. Eren does not. 

He can’t help but wonder how often Eren has jerked off in the dungeon to the thought of assisting Levi in losing his, but the mental imagery makes him feel mildly queasy so he stops thinking about it, shoving a mop into Eren’s hands and hiding his uncomfortable frown behind his cravat before turning on his heel and leaving his young charge to clean the room alone.

Eren is eighteen and a titan shifter and literally has their entire civilization balancing precariously on his narrow shoulders. The last thing Levi should be thinking about is the texture of Eren’s hands, wondering whether they’re soft or callous and whether his fingers would fit comfortably between the spaces of Levi’s own.

Especially because he knows that’s not what Eren’s wondering about when he thinks of his Captain.

__

He avoids it as long as he can, but he knows it’s inevitable. There’s a knock on the door to his bedroom and he knows who it is instantaneously, if only because he recognizes the preluding sounds of nervous pacing and heavy sighing and Jesus Christ, just what in the fuck does Jaeger think he’s going to accomplish tonight?

His shoulders tense instinctively when he announces that the door is unlocked, his tail thrashing low to the ground and betraying his façade of indifference entirely. He’d been in the process of removing his straps and he sees no point in stopping now; if anything, they give him a reason not to look at Eren directly.

“Sir,” Eren starts, his body exuding nervous energy and Levi wants to shake him for putting him through this because he’s so tired of it, so exhausted from defending a part of himself he wish weren’t on display for everyone to see but here he was, again, as always, forced to be on the receiving end of feelings he has never actually felt himself. He’s impatient, tugging vehemently on the buckles of his straps and a full minute passes with Eren still struggling to find his words, his brow furrowed in what looks like frustration.

“Eren,” he says finally, looking him dead in the eye. “If you’re here to tell me that you want to take my Ears, you can fuck right the hell off.” The leather straps he’d been removing fall to the floor and in a rare show of sloppiness, he kicks them aside.

“What?” Eren blinks and in any other situation, his confused expression would be borderline comical. But Levi continues to stare him down, stone-faced, waiting for him to leave.

“I…I like your Ears, Captain,” he says in response, face growing flushed but he manages to maintain eye contact. “They suit you.”

Now it’s Levi’s turn to be confused but he hopes his face doesn’t show it, even as his Ears swivel nervously atop his head.

“There are a lot of rumors about you, Sir, but –“

“What rumors?”

Eren shifts uncomfortably, toeing the stone floor with his boot. “Stupid stuff. Like, how you think you’re too good for anyone, that kind of thing.  But I don’t believe that. I think – I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to keep your Ears, Captain.” 

“You don’t have yours,” Levi points out, ignoring the traitorous blooming warmth in his chest and Eren shrugs.

“Not much to do in training besides training and…well, that. But it was only once, out of curiosity.”

Eren’s face twists with conflicted emotions and Levi resists the urge to ask who, knowing it's very likely that whoever took Eren’s Ears is long dead by now.

“Eren,” he sighs, running his hand over his undercut. “What do you hope to achieve by telling me all of this?”

“I didn’t actually think that far ahead,” the younger boy admits and honestly, Levi isn’t surprised. “I just didn’t want it to be a secret. I’m…really tired of those.”

Eren looks older in that moment, worn down, and Levi wants to trace the pads of his thumbs over the inside of his wrists, feel the veins underneath his skin but he doesn’t move, can’t move.

“I can’t give you what you want.”

“What is it that you think I want?” Eren asks, taking a step closer and Levi’s jaw tightens.  _The same thing everyone seems to want_ , he wants to say.  _Everyone except me._  But he’s never let himself think of himself as a victim and he’s not going to start now, especially not in front of a subordinate. Even if said subordinate is looking at him imploringly with those damn eyes of his, the ones that have captivated him since the moment he saw them in the dark of the dungeon cell where Eren had announced his plans to kill all the titans, every single one.

When the silence stretches on for too long, Eren speaks again.

“Why don’t you tell me what  _you_ want, Captain?”

Levi lets loose a hollow laugh, throwing a dismissive hand up in the air.

“Fuck if I know.”

It’s the truth. Levi has never known, has never been given the chance to figure it out without the looming, oppressive implication that a romantic relationship is synonymous with a sexual one.

Eren inches closer again, slowly, as if he were approaching a wild animal. “That's okay. Do you want to kiss me?”

Levi swallows, thinks on it for a minute. He takes in the sight of Eren’s plump lips, a little chapped, and knows that were they to kiss, he’d probably taste like what they’d had for dinner earlier – boiled potatoes and stale cheese sandwiches. He’s never kissed anyone before, never really wanted to before, and he doesn’t want the first one to taste like anything but toothpaste. 

He shakes his head. “Not right now.”

“Okay. Do you want to hold hands?” Eren asks and, sensing Levi’s hesitance, decides to add, “I washed them before coming here.”

The corners of Levi’s mouth threaten to quirk upwards into a smile and Eren seems to sense this, extending his hand and waiting for Levi to take it.

Levi does.

**Author's Note:**

> From Wikipedia:
> 
> _The word albatross is sometimes used metaphorically to mean a psychological burden that feels like a curse._
> 
> _It is an allusion to Samuel Taylor Coleridge's poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (1798). In the poem, an albatross starts to follow a ship — being followed by an albatross was generally considered an omen of good luck. However, the titular mariner shoots the albatross with a crossbow, which is regarded as an act that will curse the ship (which indeed suffers terrible mishaps). Even when they are too thirsty to speak, the ship's crew let the mariner know through their glances that they blame his action for the curse. He feels as though the albatross is metaphorically hung around his neck - that is, when people look at him, they see him as the albatross killer and that weighs on him. Thus the albatross can be both an omen of good or bad luck, as well as a metaphor for a burden to be carried as penance._


End file.
